READ ✓ Its Not You

READ â eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF Æ Sara Eckel

Its Not YouIngle women Eckel creates a strong argument for why you should love yourself as you are no change necessary By debunking the myths that have kept single women doubting themselves Eckel encourages singles to stop picking apart their personalities and to start tapping into their own wisdom about who and what is right for them as they begin to understand and accept there's no one reason they're single they just are. The best book I have ever read about being singledating

Sara Eckel Æ 8 READ

Low self esteem You can't love someone else until you've learned to love yourselfYou're too needy You can't be happy in a relationship until you've learned to be happy on your own It's Not You is structured around the many messages that singles especially single women get about who they are and who they're supposed to be Supported by the latest psychological and sociological research as well as interviews with s. Fair warning for my friends who care there is some limited swearing in this book But let's be honest involuntary singlehood after a certain age deserves at least some profanityI read loved and shared with a number of friends Sara Eckel's NYTimes 2011 essay that formed a starting point for this book The last line of that essay especially resonated with me What’s wrong with me Plenty But that was never the point Here she continues the conversation setting up and knocking down some of the many reasons people tend to offer in their attempts to answer the unanswerable uestion of why fill in the blank with the name of the nearest perfectly attractive intelligent and socially acceptable woman is still single The insidious thing about this list of reasons 27 of them and yet they all manage to hit home is that so many of us find ourselves bouncing back and forth between beating ourselves over the head with them and going on the defensive against them Or rather I find myself doing that I probably shouldn't try to speak for my single friendsEckel does a nice job of debunking the presumptions using logic scientific studies and entertaining anecdotes And if some of the logic and studies are strained a bit in their relevance I think the overall point still hits home The trite explanations for a woman's single status are usually wrong and almost always unhelpfulThe one fly in the ointment is the last section where she gets into a bit of hindsight rambling talking about the good things she failed to acknowledge in her single life and including this passageHappiness was there the whole time The problem was I was so specific about the type of happiness I wanted that I far too often ruined a good thing I wanted the sort of happiness that made me feel normal I wanted romantic love yes but I also wanted the security and social status that surrounds itWith this Eckel dips her toes or maybe even both feet into smug married territory I have had the conversation many times including with two different friends in just the last 24 hours My friends and I suarely in this book's demographic know we have great lives We are happy and grateful for them We have a tendency to feel guilty for wanting when we are already so blessed That guilt puts us right back into the territory of beating ourselves up over the 27 wrong reasons we're single The desire for romantic love is real and human of us The guilt is damaging Ending the book this way felt pat and a bit patronizing trying too hard to wrap it all up in a happy bow see you're actually happy no need to fuss about being aloneI can imagine myself rereading this book when I find myself off balance in my thinking about my single status again I'll just skip that last chapterA few passages I likedHumans beings are not houses you don't walk in and say Well so long as we gut the kitchen and add a third bathroom this could work or It has no charm but it's close to work and it's all I can afford No You love them as they areThe Buddhists say Of the two witnesses hold the principle one Meaning You're the only one who knows your experience As imperfect as our analyses may be as clouded as they are by judgments worries and fantasies they're still the best we haveWhy are you single Maybe there are many reasons maybe there are no reasons The real uestion is why are near strangers so often compelled to demand answersI think the very act of being single provides enough hard core strength training to put anyone's psyche into fighting shape

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READ ✓ Its Not You Ï If you're single but searching there's no end of explanations excuses and criticism you'll hear to explain why you're single Even the most self possessed singleton may come to doubt herself You're too picky Just find a good enough guy and you'll be fine You're too desperate If men think you need them they'll run scared You're too indepenIf you're single but searching there's no end of explanations excuses and criticism you'll hear to explain why you're single Even the most self possessed singleton may come to doubt herself You're too picky Just find a good enough guy and you'll be fine You're too desperate If men think you need them they'll run scared You're too independent Smart ambitious women always have a harder time finding mates You have. When you are dying to vent to a single friend but there are no single friends left read this bookWhen you need a moment of reassurance to remember you're not crazy and you're not doing it all wrong read this book When you think you'll kill the next person that says It'll happen when you least expect it or You just have to put yourself out there read this book